Looking back, many people can feel disappointed with themselves for what happened during their addiction. Unfortunately, I found myself in this category early on in my recovery. That’s when someone recommended I write a sobriety letter to myself. This...
Looking back, many people can feel disappointed with themselves for what happened during their addiction. Unfortunately, I found myself in this category early on in my recovery. That’s when someone recommended I write a sobriety letter to myself.
This post is about my experience and how I managed to find some peace within myself. My hope is that it might help someone else to do the same. Moreover, I’ll share the letter that ended up changing everything for me.
Why I Wrote A Sobriety Letter To Myself
In an attempt to let things go and find a little compassion for my past self, someone told me to write a “sobriety letter” to myself.
At first, I was skeptical to say the least. I was thinking, “Really, a letter? How the *#$@ is that supposed to help?”.
They told me that I was to write the letter as if I was writing to someone I loved dearly. In other words, I should try to look at my own situation as if this loved one had done these things.
Again, I was skeptical about writing this sobriety letter to myself...
They explained that we can be quick to forgive those closest to us for things that we hold against ourselves. In order to look back on my past, I needed to find some way to do it with the same compassion and understanding that I would give to my best friend.
I was beginning to see where he was going with all this until he hit me with the cheesiest line ever.
“You need to learn how to be your own best friend”
Now, you’ll have to forgive me for being so judgmental. This was early in my recovery and I still had a lot of growing to do. In all reality, I can honestly say that today, I completely understand what he meant.
At the moment however, I was forcing myself through it. In fact, I was thinking “Ok, whatever, I’ll do it but I think this is stupid”.
Writing The Sobriety Letter To Myself
For ridiculous as I thought it was, it took me a minute to finish writing the sobriety. Not because it was long, rather, it hit me in a way that I never expected it to. I should tell you, this was the first time in a lond time that I was intentionally looking back at my past.
Until this point, I tried everything I could to try and avoid this very thing. It was painful, uncomfortable, and this stuff had haunted me for as long as I can remember.
Still, I wasn’t about to back out now.
I mean come one, I thought this letter was absolutely ridiculous.
I wasn’t about to go back and admit it got to me. No, I would write it and then prove that it didn’t help and that he didn’t know what he was talking about.
Writing a sobriety letter to myself, no, this wasn’t going to get to me.
When I started writing, I was angry.
I was angry at myself for what I had done, at him for making me write the letter, and mostly just angry with life for how it turned out. All that pain started pouring out onto the page.
Then I remembered those ridiculous words, “you need to be your own best friend”. I followed his instructions and tried to imagine writing this letter to someone I loved. At first it was difficult, but once the pen started moving, it just seemed to come as if from nowhere.
That’s when it happened.
I was looking back at my past but I wasn’t angry, I was sad. Not a hopeless and depressed type of sad, but an empathic “I’m sorry that this happened to you” type sad.
I felt compassion for this kid who grew up lost.
I started seeing how so much of what happened was out of my control. Not that this excused my behaviors but I could see how the circumstances of my life had brought me to that point.
I had been scared, alone, and just trying to survive.
I realized that given what I had believed at the time, (I was worthless and there was no point to anything), it’s no wonder I had ended up doing some of those things.
In fact, because of some of the situations that had happened in my life, it was almost understandable.
Again, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t have to be accountable for my actions. Only that I didn’t have to continue blaming myself for everything that happened.
That was the moment that everything clicked.
I realized that I could judge my behaviors without judging myself. In other words, I could acknowledge that yes, I have done some terrible things in my life, but that didn’t make me a horrible person.
Learning from our mistakes is how we grow. Without acknowledging them, we risk making them again. More than that, we rob ourselves of the opportunity for discovering the best version of ourselves.
Today, those mistakes and my greatest strengths. I say that because I have used them to turn around and help others going through similar challenges. I’m not that person anymore but there is a part that I carry with me.
It helps remind me that I never want to go back.
A Letter Of Forgiveness In Sobriety
In the end, it turned out that writing a sobriety letter to myself was exactly what I needed. The man who made that suggestion knew exactly what he had been talking about.
I found out later that his story was actually very similar to mine.
Even up to him thinking that writing a letter to himself was ridiculous. So, my suggestion for anyone struggling with accepting some of the choices they’ve made in the past?
Write a sobriety letter to yourself.
A Sobriety Letter To Myself
(This letter was edited in order to use language more appropriate for the internet.)
Elijah,
You’ve been through some difficult things in life. Your dad left, and your mom decided that she no longer wanted to be on this earth. On top of that, you were born into a rough situation that you didn’t know how to handle.
In all reality the cards were stacked against you from the beginning.
That being said, you’ve done your share of things that didn’t really help. More than that, you have hurt the people closest to you time and time again. Some of those mistakes may not ever be forgiven, I hope you can recognize that.
I don’t say these things to be hurtful but I want you to understand how your choices have affected the people around you.
I guess what I’m getting at is that you messed up.
But that’s the thing, we all mess up and considering what you’ve been through, it’s kind of understandable that you ended up finding safety in addiction.
I mean think about it, you never really had anyone to teach you how to handle those situations.
In fact, the people you did have only taught you how to run from your problems.
This isn’t about placing blame, just to help you understand that life isn’t fair. Things happened that while yes, you made your own choices, they were destined to end up having negative consequences in your life.
Not everything turns out the way we want it to.
I know it’s hard, but do you remember how you felt when your world was falling apart? Do You remember what you believed about yourself and the world around you?
With everything that was going on, how you felt, and what you believed, can you name anyone else that could have done any better?
Yes, you have made some mistakes.
That being said, you have also come a long way since then. You’re not that same person, and your continuing to grow each day. And do you want to know the reason why you are becoming the person you are today
It’s because of those same mistakes.
You can look back and acknowledge that they weren’t the best choices. However, they don’t have to dictate your life. You have the choice each morning to decide who you will be and that’s the only choice you need to worry about.
One last thing, give yourself a break. The past you didn’t know what you know today. If he did, I am sure he probably would have made different choices.
Keep moving forward but don’t forget where you came from.
About The Author
Elijah M'aidez is a Certified Peer Specialist, SMART Recovery Facilitator, and CBT coach practitioner. He has years of experience practicing mindfulness meditation and is currently working on getting his Master's Degree in Social work. He hopes to bring more awareness to mental health and addiction while empowering those suffering to find a better life in recovery.
