First of all I feel gratitude for the people in my life. The people who stick by me no matter what. I know that I’m loved that’s taken me an eternity to figure out. No matter what I have...
First of all I feel gratitude for the people in my life. The people who stick by me no matter what. I know that I’m loved that’s taken me an eternity to figure out. No matter what I have done/where I’ve been. Those are true friends. For a couple of weeks now I’ve been challenged with a friend who said that something I had done that I took advantage of her trust and that had hurt her and our friendship.
I was horrified to think that I had hurt someone who had been really close to me. I phoned them up and apologized to them. I would have made that right a year and a half ago had I known that I had done something wrong.
That explains why I have seen this person for 1 hour this year. This has been one of my hardest years and I kept trying to communicate with them. I had no idea what it was something I did that hurt them. When someone is as close to you as we were it hurts to think that I hurt them and I never would ever take advantage of them or our friendship. I now want to make it right. I’ve hurt others in my life and even lost one of my good friends because of decisions I made and who I married to. They got hurt in the process. It felt awful and they walked away. One of other friends told me that time would heal those wounds. Year after year I watched their children grow up on Facebook. My friend Wendy told me that, that friendship would be renewed. I never believed that would ever happen.
I prayed often for that because I missed my friend. Then I was invited to a Christmas shop thing at one of our local malls. You brought tickets and you got to shop and get deals. Wendy invited me to go and my friend was there that we had been apart from and another gal. Wendy and I shopped and it was good to see my friend again. Then we did more and more things and we talked about what had happened and I slowly built up that trust again. I realized that Wendy was the one who helped that happen. Now our friendship is even stronger then it was ever before. I also gained another friend and we were the 4 that hung out together with Wendy when she was alive.
It’s made me think about what is friendship to me. I wish I had known why we hadn’t spent time together this year. It sounds like there were more things that had happened and someone told me this past week that, this was probably the last straw. That hit me hard because I’m not sure why it’s so hard to tell me what I was doing was not ok. I have been totally in the dark. When someone is so close to me and knows me better then most why would you not tell me that there was a problem. That explains why this was so drastic.
I’m really sorry that I hurt this person and I told them that. To me friendship is about communicating especially if something is bothering you. I look at my friends who I have in my life and we share our feelings, we pray, we laugh, we cry, we hang out together and we are there for each other no matter what.
What does friendship look like to you?
It’s going to look different for each person. I hope this relationship will get repaired through time. I guess it will be one step at a time. I think it’s hard to build relationships without communication. It’s an important relationship to me so I will work on it. That’s all I can do. It’s also hard to not know what you did wrong because how can you fix that and most likely I will do the same thing again.
For now I’m going to concentrate on the friendships I do have that are awesome and wonderful. I’m blessed to have each of them in my life.
