Stop press….. Who ever said parenting was easy should come and live in this house. On a daily basis I feel sorry for all my children. Each special in their own way, each trying to grow and learn and...
Stop press….. Who ever said parenting was easy should come and live in this house. On a daily basis I feel sorry for all my children. Each special in their own way, each trying to grow and learn and each of them struggling with Mental health.
Mental health problems in children and adolescents is not a new concept. Its documented all through history and has been researched, so why in 2021 do we still not have enough support for children.
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There is no simple answer for this! Services are like a postcode lottery and are so strapped that they can’t take on anyone unless they are at risk! doesn’t at risk mean before they actually hurt themselves? Nope its not about prevention its about waiting until the shit is hitting the pan and then every agency quickly trying to look like they are doing something to help an already tenable situation. The whole system is crap and as a parent I have a right to say this, I have 3 daughters who have self harmed, born of frustration, stress and anxiety but no one wants to listen while they are only biting themselves or head butting walls or screaming that they don’t want to be here. The truth is being fobbed of that its covid induced is just a farce, services were bad before covid now its just horrendous. In hindsight I should have pushed harder, its what I’m going to do from today, I’m going to call out the inadequacies of an outdated system and I’m going to try and ensure that my daughter gets the help she needs and to ensure her survival into old age.
Self harm and suicide are not acceptable at any age, and its certainly not acceptable when those are children and they have needs which are not being addressed due to a system which fails children and takes so long to diagnose and give them the support that they need. Ever been told your family isn’t bad enough? you don’t tick the right boxes? what the hell, how is anyone suppose to fit into a box? are girls and boys the same? does one size fit all? Hell no so why are we still taking years to get diagnosis of neuro-develpmental conditions which are resulting in our children and adults being more at risk of developing mental health problems due to a lack of support, a lack of knowledge? its crazy absolute madness and as a parent of girls if I wasn’t strong enough I would be sitting here blaming myself for my daughters mental health issues as many families do, and society would be sitting here condemning me as well as a crap mother – which I am not!!
I do all I can for my girls, I have 4 daughters each as different as the next, all with their own personalities, their own traits and their own amazing, beautiful souls that make me proud every day to be their mum.
My eldest is 17, has a part time job, attends college, diagnosed with hearing loss age 5 she has taken it all in her stride, she works, she studies and she copes with the stressful family life. My 16 year old is strong, fiery and beautiful inside and out. She helps anyone and will stick up for what she believes in even if that gets her in trouble. She has a potty mouth but means well. Was diagnosed with Non epileptic attack disorder in Aug 2020.My third daughter is 15, has hearing loss, ADD and has been accepted for Autism assessments. She’s beautiful, talented, has resilience in bucket loads, always tries her hardest, loves to please people, loves animals. She lives with daily battles of being out of her comfort zone, dislikes disruption to her routines, struggles academically but always has a beautiful smile, she self harms and recently took a paracetamol overdose.Then theres our cheeky youngest age 11, and she really is cheeky, obsessed with football, giggle a minute, beautiful, She also lives with daily battles of being out of her comfort zone, dislikes disruption to her routines, struggles academically but always has a beautiful smile. At 11 She is still growing into her skin but if she is anything like her sisters she will be strong, fiery and a force to be reckoned with.As much as I love them all, living with them is Hell on earth. living with disabilities and special needs is like living on the edge of a volcano which may or may be erupt. Cat fights? we have them, Swearing? Yep in bucket loads its like being on a building site of old with F this, F that!!! Fighting with physical contact? YES YES YES some days they are fantastic, other days they are little vipers. It certainly keeps me on my toes.
I try to stay in charge and most days in control but how on earth do you tell someone off when you are chest height on them? The eldest three are now taller officially taller than I am ( well its not hard I’m 5ft 4? at a push ) than me and they look down on me, add in that they are also stronger than I am. Its certainly making me feel a little inadequate – the suggestion has been made about using a yellow pages? Really do they still exist? where can I get one? in all fairness I think I need to loose weight and bulk up haha
On a serious note though, its not easy for any of the girls, to live together sharing rooms and space. Its equally difficult when you have to factor in the special needs and disabilities and mental health as well- we are definitely no ordinary family. The girls all like their own personal space and we as parents just can not afford to give that to them. Arguments are like normal conversation, factor in the hearing loss and its arguing at decibel 1000, my ears literally ring from the noise and trying to get between two of them fighting well means I come away nursing a couch of bruises. We have it all in this house, typical teenage behaviour clothes stealing, someone saying something the other don’t like, battles over who is sitting where in the car, clean your room, move your shit, wheres my….., who’s got this and who’s taken that – only its heightened with each individuals need to control their environment, struggles with communication and struggles with thoughts and feelings oh god some days I feel like walking away……Would boys have been easier I wonder?
BUT….I can’t walk away, these girls no matter how they shout at me, argue back with me, struggle with thoughts/feelings and hormones, they still need me and dad. They need compassion, love, support and a good role model (me with a glass of gin hiding in the bathroom). For all they think they can strike out on their own its me and Dad who are there when they are scared, hurt, tired, lost their bus ticket, trying to bike home in a downpour, need help with misunderstandings and to just love them for who they are. Their mental health struggles are no different, we will do all we can to support, nurture and love our children.
Always here if someone needs to talk
XX Leanne xX