Human Values in Aging Newsletter

December 2023

H.R. Moody, Editor

IN THIS ISSUE

            -Beauty and Age

            -Telling Your Story

            -What Is Positive Aging?

            -Remembering Roslynn Carter

            -Living Longer Lives

            -Aging Matters: Just For Laughs

            -Web Sites to See

            -Books of Interest

            -The Universe Is Made of Stories

   BEAUTY AND AGE

Ursula K. Le Guin (1929–2018) was one of premier science fiction writers of our time. And she was much, much more. Ponder her late-life meditation on beauty and age:

“Beauty always has rules. It’s a game. I resent the beauty game when I see it controlled by people who grab fortunes from it and don’t care who they hurt. I hate it when I see it making people so self-dissatisfied that they starve and deform and poison themselves. Most of the time I just play the game myself in a very small way, buying a new lipstick, feeling happy about a pretty new silk shirt…

One rule of the game, in most times and places, is that it’s the young who are beautiful. The beauty ideal is always a youthful one. This is partly simple realism. The young are beautiful. The whole lot of ’em. The older I get, the more clearly I see that and enjoy it… 

Ursula K. Le Guin

And yet I look at men and women my age and older, and their scalps and knuckles and spots and bulges, though various and interesting, don’t affect what I think of them. Some of these people I consider to be very beautiful, and others I don’t. For old people, beauty doesn’t come free with the hormones, the way it does for the young. It has to do with bones. It has to do with who the person is. More and more clearly it has to do with what shines through those gnarly faces and bodies.”

But what makes the transformations of aging so anguishing, Le Guin poignantly observes, isn’t the loss of beauty — it’s the loss of identity, a frustratingly elusive phenomenon to begin with. She writes:

“I know what worries me most when I look in the mirror and see the old woman with no waist. It’s not that I’ve lost my beauty — I never had enough to carry on about. It’s that that woman doesn’t look like me. She isn’t who I thought I was.”

From “The Marginalian” (2014) at:

https://www.themarginalian.org/2014/10/21/ursula-le-guin-dogs-cats-dancers-beauty/ 

TELLING YOUR STORY

You’re never too old to tell your story. In “Identity Insights”

Larry Ackerman shares a reminder for all of us:

Dinner conversations

In the past few years, when my wife and I were out to dinner, she’d often, without warning, look the waiter squarely in the eye and ask: “What’s your story?” Nine times out of ten, the waiter would stop what they were doing and, with little prompting, tell us. 

One young woman, her name was Sarah, was waiting tables in the Berkshires over the summer to help pay for college. Her dream was to go to law school. In Boston. At Harvard. Like her father and grandfather had. As she spoke, her face seemed to glow, as though she was just waiting for someone to ask her about herself. In that moment, a new, if fleeting, bond was formed. 

To honor the individual inside the person – as a way of truly seeing him or her – is the first step in humanizing the relationship, whether it’s brand-new or decades old ...

Ackerman again: “People’s stories, no matter how simple, complicated, heart-wrenching or ‘normal’ they may seem, are blessings conferred upon you by them, and whom you honor in hearing them.”

For more on Larry Ackerman, visit: https://www.larryackerman.com/living/

Do you have a story?  Share it with me (and with others).  I can’t guarantee to publish all in this newsletter because space is limited.  But keep telling your stories. Each one is like a note in  bottle, cast out to sea.  You never know where those stories will end up.

WHAT IS POSITIVE AGING?

For the coming year, Americans should get used to the word “gerontocracy.” Names like Joe Biden and Donald Trump will dominate, but there are lots of other names that will be cited. Americans are unhappy with lots of things in the world, so it’s natural to blame the elders. Even our currency says on it “Novus Ordo Seclorum”—a new order for the ages. Are we then blaming “our future selves?”

Ageism never went away. Even those of us who are elders (I speak as a 78-year old) are pervaded by negative views about later life. Can we even agree on what “positive aging” or “successful” aging might be?

Aging can be defined in three words: Diminished reserve capacity.  Successful aging can also be defined in three words: Decrement with compensation.

Peter Drucker died at 95, productive to the end about the world that would follow him. He followed a motto: Feed the opportunities, starve the problems.  It’s true for us all at every stage of life.

For more on gerontocracy, see “Is it time for America's elder statesmen to retire?” BBC

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-67453344

REMEMBERING ROSALYNN CARTER

Rosalynn died in her home on Nov. 19, 2023, at age 96. Former President Jimmy Carter, now age 99, was by her side. He himself has been in hospice for many months. Rosalynn Carter would never have to know a life without him.

“Jimmy Carter’s most exciting moment was ‘when Rosalynn said she’d marry me’ “

“With Rosalynn’s passing, Jimmy Carter faces life alone”  (Washington Post)

I actually met Rosalynn Carter once when I traveled to Plains, Georgia, to receive from her an award on caregiving, which was her great passion.  Spending time with her in person showed me she was much more than a public image, and much more than “a person of a certain age.”

Yes, there are examples of positive aging and we should celebrate these stories.

LIVING LONGER LIVES

“It is sensible enough to try to live longer lives. But we are working with a false notion of what long really means. We might live to be a thousand years old and still complain that it had all rushed by too fast. We should be aiming to lead lives that feel long because we manage to imbue them with the right sort of open-hearted appreciation and unsnobbish receptivity, the kind that five-year-olds know naturally how to bring to bear. We need to pause and look at one another’s faces, study the sky, wonder at the eddies and colors of the river, and dare to ask the kinds of questions that open others’ souls.”

From The Oldster, “How to Lengthen Your Life”

Is time “getting away from you and going too fast? No, you don’t even have to be old to experience rushing time.  But here are some answers:

https://oldster.substack.com/p/how-to-lengthen-your-life

(Yes, you can subscribe to The Oldster Magazine at no cost)

AGING MATTERS: Just for Laughs

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

Court Reporters May Not React. These are from a book called Disorder In The Court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

WEB SITES TO SEE

BECOMING AN ELDER. “Finding Purpose: 3 Great Mysteries of Becoming a True Elder” at:

https://www.spiritualityhealth.com/great-mysteries-true-elder

WISE ELDERS & CINEMA. Myth Salon with Terry Ebinger: “The Way of the Wise Elder in Film: Exploring Conscious Aging Through the Mythic Power of Cinema, at:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Cz5DlHPrUM

IS AGE A SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY? Or “Can You Think Yourself Young?” See:

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2022/jan/02/can-you-think-yourself-young-ageing-psychology#:~:text= 

BOOKS OF INTEREST

HONEST AGING: An Insider's Guide to the Second Half of Life,

by Rosanne M. Leipzig, MD (Johns Hopkins Univ. Press, 2023).

THE GIFT OF AGING, by Marcy Cottrell Houle (Cambridge Univ. Press, 2023).

RETHINKING AGING: Growing Old and Living Well in an Overtreated Society, by Nortin Hadler, MD (Univ. of North Carolina Press, 2019).

COMING EVENTS

FUTURE: Explore Your Future (Dec. 6, 13, and 20, 2023, 1 to 3 pm EDT, N.Y. City in person). Planning  the next chapter in life. Sponsored by Coming of Age. Details /Registration at: tinyurl.com/EYFDec2023  

MEN: Awakening the Sage Within- A Gathering for Men (Dec. 6, 2023, 12 noon to 4 pm, Eastern Time). Sponsored by Sage-ing International. Details and registration at:

https://www.sage-ing.org/events/awakening-the-sage-within-a-gathering-for-men

CENTENARIANS: 3 Centenarian Secrets (Dec. 12, 2023, 3 to 4 pm, EDT). How people aged 100+ achieve longevity, health and happiness. Hosted by Coming of Age, with Andre & Judy de Zanger. Zoom at no cost. Details and Registration at: tinyurl.com/3centenariansecret

ENTREPRENEURSHIP: What’s Next. Longevity Innovation Summit (Dec. 12-13, 2023, Washington, DC). Sponsored by Mary Furlong and Associates.  Details at:

https://washingtoninnovationsummit.com/sponsors/

ENLIGHTENMENT. Intimacy with the Ultimate Mystery, Seventh in the webinar series (Dec. 13, 2023, 8 am to 9:30 am, PT). Once-a-month webinar series with meditation teacher David Chernikoff.  Exploring the teaching by Dogen Zenji, who taught that “Enlightenment is intimacy with all things.” Sponsored by Sage-ing International. Details and registration at:

https://www.sage-ing.org/events/intimacy-with-all-things-intimacy-with-the-ultimate-mystery/

SPIRITUALITY AND AGING: Possibly Our Best Asset as We Age (Dec. 14, 2023).

On Zoom. Sponsored by Conrad Grabel University College in Toronto, Canada.

Details and registration at:

https://uwaterloo.ca/grebel/events/spirituality-and-aging-seminar

Also includes information about preceding webinars, at no cost.

THE SOUL OF AGING (Dec. 17, 2023). St. David’s Episcopal Church.  Details at:

https://stdave.org/event/17484721-2023-12-17-the-soul-of-aging-2023-2024/

MUSIC: Tune Up Your Brain to Feed Your Soul (Dec. 19, 2023, 11:30 am to 1 pm, Central) Candid Conversation (on Zoom) with Kate Kunkel. Sponsored by Aging Reimagined Circle.

Details and registration at:

https://womenover70.com/087-kate-kunkel-music-helps-us-stay-in-tune/

More about sponsor at: https://womenover70.com/

TURNING POINTS: Five Seats of Power (Dec. 26, 2023, 12 noon to 1:30 pm, Eastern Time)

Interview with Raghu Ananthanarayanan; sponsored by Sage-ing International.  Details and registration at:

https://www.sage-ing.org/events/turning-points-five-seats-of-power-an-interview-with-raghu-ananthanarayanan/

SYMPOSIUM. Aging and the Habits of the Heart (March 6-8, 2024). Saint John’s on the Lake,

7th Annual Symposium on Aging. Details at:

https://www.saintjohnsmilw.org/2024-symposium/

JAPAN. ACAP Study Tour on Fukuoka-Care Challenges (March 10-15, 2024, Fukuoka, Japan).

Led by Dr. Takeo Ogawa, founder Active Aging Consortium in Aging Pacific, assisted by Cullen T. Hayashida, PhD, Sociology Department, University of Hawaii Honolulu, Hawaii. More details at: https://manoa.hawaii.edu/acap/executive-committee/

  "The universe is made of stories, not of atoms." 

                                      -Muriel Rukeyser