Baby and Family Photo credit to Captured by Christine Photoagraphy I’ve been missing for a long time. How is it that it’s been 5 months since we had the baby?! To be honest I thought about starting this...
Baby and Family Photo credit to Captured by Christine Photoagraphy
I’ve been missing for a long time. How is it that it’s been 5 months since we had the baby?! To be honest I thought about starting this a million times and I just didn’t know where to start. So I didn’t start. I just kept doing fun stuff on Instagram or Facebook and I avoided this like the plague. I decided it’s time to try. It’s time to try and fit this back into life, even though I feel like I have a million things to do.
Another reason I had a hard time sitting down to write this, I felt guilty. If you choose to read this in full you will find out this birth wasn’t exactly easy. I see birth every single day on the farm and I know it isn’t always easy. Sometimes it’s downright brutal. I don’t think I ever could have prepared myself for what happened. Because it was so hard I didn’t immediately have that same feeling of love that I had with Calli. Truthfully, things couldn’t have been more different and the guilt ate at me. I felt horrible for not feeling that instant, all consuming devotion. I knew it would come eventually, and it did.
The weeks before we had Adeline (pronounced Ade-line) we were in and out of the hospital constantly. The night before we had her I was having back labor that I didn’t realize was back labor. Come the morning of November 3rd, 2018 my labor had left and I was feeling good. Calli and I were sitting on the couch watching a movie when my water broke. Eric was in the kitchen getting started making homemade pizza. Needless to say, we threw everything down and got going.
We literally handed poor Calli in the door at my parents and started rushing to our hospital which is an hour and a half drive. When my water broke with Calli I started having contractions immediately and they got closer and closer. With Adeline I didn’t start having contractions until 45 minutes later. The end of this pregnancy had been strange and the labor was looking like it wouldn’t different.
We got to the hospital and were grateful they listened when I called and said they needed a room ready for me. We rolled in right around doctor shift change but I was relieved to find out my favorite doctor was coming in. The problem was, they checked me and said I was dilated to around 8 cm and I don’t think they told the doctor I was on my way in. So he was taking his time. Obviously he picked up the pace because he came in sweating and breathing like he had run a mile. But the relief knowing I had the most trusted person in the doctors office on my side was deep.
Throughout my pregnancy the doctors were genuinely concerned about us having a baby in the car. My first labor was quick and usually labors get quicker with each pregnancy. Having an hour and a half drive put a lot of pressure on whether we would make it before the baby came. When I started pushing we all expected things to go very quickly. It didn’t take long to figure out this labor wouldn’t be that quick.
As soon as they hooked the monitors up they could tell the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck. My doctor talked to us about that. He said they would monitor the heart rate closely to make sure the baby didn’t go into distress. If everything went okay I would just have to pause pushing so they could cut the cord and then finish. Seemed easy enough.
After about 15 minutes of pushing the baby was hardly moving. I felt like I couldn’t get a decent set of pushes in. My doctor suddenly said, “I don’t understand why this baby isn’t out already.” I can’t remember if I said out loud or just in my head, but I responded with, “Me too.” In my head I also kept repeating, I don’t think I can do this. I was about to ask him if I could just have a c-section.
On my next contraction I gave the hardest push I could possibly muster. I managed to get the head out far enough to where the doctor could see she was face up. That explained why it was so hard, painful and going so slow. After that things started to happen quickly. The doctor had to do some more desperate measures but we managed to get things moving. I really didn’t care what it took to get her out, I was so exhausted from pushing.
Three easy pushes later we had Adeline Mae breathing, healthy and amazing in our arms. This labor was one of my biggest fears. There were legitimate concerns about her safety. I had a huge injury to my lady parts, I had lost a lot of blood and I felt horrible. My recovery took so much longer than I thought and it was so much harder than I imagined.
Adeline is the sweetest, most laid back baby and truthfully she was exactly what we needed at that time. I was a hot mess for 3 months and after 5 months I’m just starting to come out of it. Almost everything about this pregnancy was hard. But it was totally worth it. I am so thankful to our amazing team at the hospital and our doctors. My doctors office then did a top notch job of my after care. It’s a long road when you have a new baby to care for and you are trying to heal from major injuries too.
To that mom out there that had a birth she never imagined, I see you. It’s okay not be okay because of it. If you need help, seek it. Remember, that you have a new human depending on you to take care of them. You need to be okay just as much as your tiny human(s). Give yourself a break and do not feel like you need to meet the perfect mom status. Use your support system because likely they want to help but don’t want to push it on you. Just do your best and know no one is perfect.
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