When it comes to judgement, there are so many parts of motherhood that we keep to ourselves because of it. I have read many books in my time and this is one method of self-care that I do for...
Motherhood has done everything to me.
It has challenged me, awakened me, enlightened me, broken me and been the best bloody thing that I have ever done. I never expected I’d ever be one, it wasn’t something I thought that I would ever really want to be either, considering that I could barely look after myself at the fresh age of 22 when I fell pregnant, but I felt like the universe had plans for me to steer my path towards a better future and I rolled with it.
I fuckin’ love the universe.
I tell you one thing, motherhood can also be one of the most judgmental, batshit crazy and at times, dark hoods to be in too. As someone that lived with post-natal depression through my postpartum periods with both Max and Cooper, these times that I thought I’d never last through, became some of the toughest times that made me the strongest version of myself that I am becoming today.
When it comes to judgement, there are so many parts of motherhood that we keep to ourselves because of it. Whether it’s our mental health that’s taken a big hit, the way that we parent, the fact that we went back to work, the fact that we didn’t go back to work, the fact we try to do both and then even mention a word of struggle, our body image or our fractured relationship with our partners, I think there’s taboo attached any, if not all of those subjects and these can leave us feeling so, freaking, alone.
Now, I have read many books in my time and this is one method of self-care that I do for myself (when I can anyway!) and learn so many things from all the ones I make time for, however when I picked up Conscious Motherhood, unlike any other book that I’ve ever read, I felt completely seen, heard and understood from the first paragraph.
With every chapter that I read, it began with a journal entry from the author, Cathy Spooner. It was raw, real and felt every bit of it. She herself is a mother of three who has experienced post-natal depression, PTSD and anxiety, all of which I have been through and in the past and also experience at times to this day. I just knew that I was meant to read this book.
Once people become parents, you quite often hear us say “Ok, no one warned me about this” and that’s true to an extent. We can be warned about the sleepless nights, getting spewed on, changing a million nappies, getting poo on you and your hair falling out at some stage, however I think it’s really hard to help an about-to-be parent understand that at the same time that all those things happen, you might also cry on your kitchen floor from exhaustion, feel depression so heavy that you look at your kids knowing they love you and you absolutely fucking adore them, but can’t feel happiness, have a break down because you say you really need a break but then have a break down when you get that break because you miss your kids and then most of all, that your heart will get bigger and bigger every single day because you love your kids so bloody much.
That paragraph alone is a rollercoaster and have my old English teacher in my head saying “your pararaph and sentences just then were way too long” which is probably true and honestly, I could have gone on writing for a few more years but summed it up to what came to my mind first.
It was when Cathy quoted Brené Brown: “Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgement, and blame” when I first of all, highlighted it (like I do to anything I want to read again) and then sat back, nodded to myself and thought, fuck, that is so spot on.
As mothers in general, if we choose to give a shit about what other people think, we risk judgment and shame when our kids act like actual kids at the playground when another parent doesn’t parent the same way as us, or when we whip out a bottle of formula for our baby instead of whipping out our boob to feed them, but then with the shit I see online these days, you often get in trouble for having your boobs out for feeding too. Honestly, no matter what you do, if you choose to give a shit about someone else’s opinion, it will always matter. Release that shit, seriously.
Concious Motherhood made me feel heard, understood and like someone has been following me around for years now writing a book about me. The amount of times that Cathy vulnerably shared her experiences and thoughts about motherhood sometimes and I sat there thinking, “wow, I was never really alone”, was amazing.
All those times that I thought I couldn’t handle motherhood anymore, I wasn’t alone.
All those times I sobbed and sobbed from exhaustion and mental agony, I wasn’t alone.
All those times I thought I was failing at motherhood, I wasn’t alone.
All those times I wanted to disappear for just a little bit to recoup, I wasn’t alone.
And most of all, all those times I thought I was alone in all the scariest parts of motherhood and thought I was a bad mother for having those moments and those thoughts,
I was never actually alone, at all.
Since reading this book, I’ve made journaling a daily habit. I’ve taken on so much advice and courage from Cathy’s vulnerability and strength to implement simply going a little easier on myself and patting myself on the back a bit more. Bugger me, I even feel like Spooner and I are on a first name basis now but he actually has no idea who I am.
Conscious Motherhood is like a big warm bear hug for a mum, from a mum.
Thank you Cathy.
You can check Cathy’s website plus purchase Conscious Motherhood here.