I have always considered myself an optimistic person. I’m never overly optimistic though because I’m truly a realist. I understand that our expectations will not always match our reality, so I walk through life knowing that there will always...
I have always considered myself an optimistic person. I’m never overly optimistic though because I’m truly a realist. I understand that our expectations will not always match our reality, so I walk through life knowing that there will always be joy and sorrow, but they will never be equally doled out.
In the last month and a half I have come to face the reality that life as I know it is inextricably changing and there is nothing I can do about it. Plus, it’s causing extra stress in areas that can’t take much more. I have been going through something unbelievably heartbreaking and yet my Type A, ever-in-control, resilient-minded, take-charge self will not let me soak in the enormity of the situation. I am truly feeling like I’m now barely able to keep my head above water.
Life has kicked into high gear and there has not been one minute where I have not been consumed with my children, my husband, my work, my personal commitments, and my ailing father. But, instead of giving myself some grace and being gentle on myself, I have felt awful with how little I can pour into each of these important life cups. I have been unrealistic with myself and am self-shaming because of how hard everything seems to be. Mad that I should be able to manage all of this because that’s what I do.
But do I really?
Nothing about being a full-time working, special needs mom and caretaker is easy or manageable. Nothing. It’s rewarding and can be life-affirming, but mostly it’s just organized chaos with a side of insomnia.
However, I just had a friend quietly send me a little token of love and support and it made me realize that I need to go easy on myself.
She told me she wanted me to “treat” myself. It initially made me feel so uncomfortable and weak.
Why do I need a treat? I got this!
I’m the one that does this for others, because I see and feel others’ feelings so deeply, not the other way around. But as I was about to “scold” her for sending me anything, I couldn’t help but wonder why I felt I wasn’t deserving of the same treatment.
And it made me think:
-sometimes in life the planners will need something planned for them
-sometimes in life the listeners will need to be listened to
-sometimes in life the gifters will need to be gifted something
and…
-sometimes in life the caregivers will need to be given care
It’s all about balance and understanding limits.
No one can ever be expected to manage everything. Take it all on. I mean, I want to pretend I can, but the realist in me keeps saying, “Woman, sit your butt down!” It’s not realistic or healthy. That mindset can wreak havoc on your mind, body, and soul.
So, for those of you who are trying to kill it out there being a super parent to a special needs or health-compromised child…go easy on yourself.
For those of you are caring for ailing parents who are slipping further and further away from you…go easy on yourself.
For those of you who are single parents and acting as both mom and dad every waking minute of the day…go easy on yourself.
For those of you juggling a never-ending calendar of events…go easy on yourself.
And, for those of you who are trying to be the best version of yourself for every person in you love so they walk through life with more joy than sorrow…go easy on yourself.
Take a walk, Take a long drive. Listen to your favorite music on blast. Stand in the shower for a few extra minutes. Lay down and take a nap. Eat another piece of your favorite chocolate. Take a second helping of that indulgent dessert.
Just remember to treat yourself because you DESERVE it. It’s not selfish or self-absorbed or juvenile. It’s self-care. Everyone deserves it.
And if you are living your life wanting to give to others in such rewarding ways because you feel they deserve it…YOU already are the most deserving person of every little treat offered.
Take each day as it comes and remember to go easy on yourself. Sorrow may be very present right now, but that just means joy is coming right up on its heels.
Stay strong, friends.
