{image is a photo of Brooke on Halloween in 2004, at three, dressed as a clown. I can’t even handle the cuteness.} Let’s talk blue pumpkins, my friends. Recently, a mom of an autistic toddler posted a plea: “My...
{image is a photo of Brooke on Halloween in 2004, at three, dressed as a clown. I can’t even handle the cuteness.}
Let’s talk blue pumpkins, my friends. Recently, a mom of an autistic toddler posted a plea:
“My son is 3 years old and has autism,” she wrote. “He is nonverbal. Last year houses will wait for him to say TRICK OR TREAT in order for him to get a piece of candy and there I go explaining the situation for the next 5 blocks. This year we will be trying the BLUE BUCKET to signify he has autism. Please allow him (or anyone with a BLUE BUCKET) to enjoy this day and don’t worry I’ll still say TRICK OR TREAT for him, ill get my mom candy tax later 
. This holiday is hard enough without any added stress. Thank you in advance.”
The blue bucket idea had been shared by Autism Speaks last year, but hadn’t gotten much traction at the time. This mom’s post went viral, however, and has since been picked up by various news outlets, landing on front pages and social media feeds far and wide. While I viscerally relate to her desire for a smooth, easy, and FUN holiday for her child, I’m hoping that we can all take a collective pause and think about this before running out and arming our kids – especially our really little kids – with blue pumpkins.
As you know, my strategy for parenting my autistic daughter is to always consider what the world looks like from her perspective. As a nautistic* person, that’s not always easy to do, but thankfully, there’s an amazing resource to help – #ActuallyAutistic people. So when something in my gut didn’t quite feel right about the blue pumpkins, I went searching for autistic voices to get their take on the topic. This is some of what I found:
Autistic on Wheels: Then there’s the massive visual target that marks someone out as potentially vulnerable (and many kids won’t want their neurology broadcast to the world without their explicit permission). There are better ways to go about this – if you *have* to do something to let people know the child is autistic, something more discreet, like a badge, is much better, or a card the child can choose to show people if they wish to.
Quirky. Stimmy. Cool.: Outing your child to people who live near you could be dangerous. It may also be something your child doesn’t want others to know. It’s best to educate your child and let them “out” themselves on their own time. Even if your child is ok with it, letting strangers know that you have a vulnerable child and live close by, can be dangerous. I understand that this is sad. And it stinks that we have to look at it this way. They may be your neighbors but not everyone is a good and safe person. Predators prey on autistics or disabled individuals. They do. And it’s something we as parents need to be aware of so we can make extra sure our kids stay safe. Especially in their own homes.
Autistic, Typing: We can argue about blue pumpkins ‘for autism’ all day (please don’t, it’s dangerous due to confusion with the Teal Pumpkin Project), but the “awareness” that really needs to get out is that people passing out candy have no right to demand that anyone speak or explain their private medical information.
Be decent humans.
If someone is trick or treating on Halloween, and you are passing out candy, give them candy. It’s not complicated unless you make it complicated. Yes, even if they’re tall, even if they “look too old”, even if they are wearing a winter coat and you can’t see their costume, even if they are wearing character pajamas, even if their costume is a cardboard box.
*
The autistic community appears to be pretty uniformly uncomfortable with the idea of announcing their young siblings’ diagnoses without context, and upon reading their rationale, I realized why my gut was telling me something felt off. Not to mention the whole Blue = Autism because Autism = Boys trope which only serves to erase girls and women like Brooke from the narrative entirely, or the fact that in the dark a blue pumpkin looks exactly like a teal one and that ship has already sailed.
I know it’s not easy to face down ignorance and discrimination, especially on a day that is meant to be nothing but fun. In fact it sucks. As the mom of a sixteen year-old who had to have her Abby Cadabby costume custom-made this year, I assure you, this ain’t my first time at the rodeo. But I really, truly believe that if we follow the lead of my daughter’s adult brethren, we can help smooth the path for all of our kids without telegraphing their vulnerability or further stigmatizing and marginalizing those already struggling to be seen and accepted.
In Quirky Stimmy Cool’s post above, there are some fabulous cards that we can print for free. If you’re looking for a low-key way to clue in your neighbors, showing them a laminated card sounds like a pretty great plan.
All I’d add is that if you’re the one opening your door this Halloween, please open your mind along with it. Offer a smile and a piece or two of candy, and don’t worry about who can say what or who’s wearing what or who looks too old to be doing this. It just doesn’t matter. If they’re at your door, give them a treat and wish them a Happy Halloween. And if you happen to see an older teenager in a Sesame Street fairy-in-training costume, ask her to show you her wings.
*Nautistic is my daughter’s word for neurotypical or non-autistic folx. It’s pronounced NOT-tistic.