Hey Army, Well, I know that it has been quite a while since we have posted. Honestly, there isn't really much of excuse except for that we have been enjoying our busy summer and soaking up all the rays...
Hey Army,Well, I know that it has been quite a while since we have posted. Honestly, there isn't really much of excuse except for that we have been enjoying our busy summer and soaking up all the rays we could! I hope over the next few posts we can reflect on our time since we have been out of treatment and catch you all up.
Wow, where to start...... Um, I guess WE ARE HOME!!!! It has been such a crazy, odd, and surreal feeling to be home from Seattle. There is something to be said for "actively" combating something and working toward a common goal every day. Emmie and I have had many people ask us," How did you do it? How did you find the strength and grace to make it through such a horrible trial?" To that, our answer is the only answer I think anyone in a situation like this can have. "We did it because we had to."
There really isn't much in life that can prepare you to receive the news that your child is very sick, let alone that your child has cancer. Then to follow that up with you need to move across the state, find a place to live, try and make a life for your other children, spend your days and nights at a hospital, and watch your beautiful warrior suffer and know that there isn't anything you can do about it. You get through it because you have to.
Life is comprised of small victories. Finishing another school year, obtaining your driver's license, asking the girl out that you've had a crush on for years, the birth of your first child, and so on. Living through childhood cancer is the same, but the victories tend to be smaller and much closer together. No vomiting last night, getting the temperature taken with out crying, leaving your feeding tube in your nose for a whole day, finally saying hi to the nurses that come in with out telling them to NO. Your horizon moves from goals for a month or year, to "what do we need to do today?"
"If I can just get through tonight I will be fine..."
Or even at times, "Only 2 hours left.... we can do this..."
Now, being home it is a bit of a transition back to "normal" life. But is that possible? I mean what is normal really. Recently our family was invited to a Camp for families that have been affected by Childhood Cancer (more on this amazing camp later) but one of the things we talked about was where you are on the mountain. They compared our cancer journey to a mountain, with the peak being, well honestly anything you wanted it to be, but in my mind, the tip was the end of treatment. So then the question becomes how to navigate down this GIANT mountain you just climbed. If anyone here does a lot of outdoor climbing or similar such things you know that the way down at times can be just as hard, and dangerous as your ascent.
Many parents shared how they were scared to come all the way down for fear of many things such as relapse, or other such complications. As I sat there and thought about it, it occurred to me that it is much more likely that we really never do come down, instead we find a level plateau that we can balance our new life on. Having been home for a bit now I can understand the hesitation of wanting to dismiss the possibility completely. You have to mentally prepare your self for something statistically many times in an eventuality. Not to mention that MOST if not all kiddos will have deficits they will have to cope with the rest of their lives.
This is not to say that we are not so ever grateful to be home and have our little warrior with us! we feel like we have made the most of this last summer and have had a blast. We were able to attend Disneyland, see the red wood forest, go to the beach, visit family, go camping, and many more things which are to come. But in the mean time we will continue pressing forward and fighting the good fight!
Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and continued support.