This is always a difficult time of year for me, but this year has been especially difficult.� Oliver would have been a junior in high school this year.� Eden, his sister, is a freshman and SHOULD have her older...
This is always a difficult time of year for me, but this year has been especially difficult.� Oliver would have been a junior in high school this year.� Eden, his sister, is a freshman and SHOULD have her older brother at school with her, telling her about the teachers and the crazy things that happen on a daily basis.� He should be showing her around to all of her classes and helping her with homework.� He would be 16 years old and with that comes many other things that should be happening at that age.� He would be driving.� He would be in his 3rd year of seminary, which is an early morning religion class they have every day before school.� He would be driving Eden to seminary this year and then to school.� He would hold the office of a priest in Young Men's at church.� He would be able to start dating.� Who would he be dating?� Someone from school?� Someone from church?� He'd be going to church youth activities and dances.� He would be working towards his Eagle Scout just like his dad.� He would be attending his junior prom this year.� He would have been a jock, I'm sure, as he was so athletic and loved sports.� He'd most likely be on the baseball team.� Who knows what else he'd be in, what else he'd be excelling at.� It's always tough to wonder what he would be doing, what he would look like.� He was always a head and shoulders shorter than everyone.� Would he have hit a growth spurt and be tall or would he have always been the short and stocky one?� How would his face have changed?� What would his voice sound like now?� Yeah... this year has been harder for me.� There have been tears shed this year... more tears than most.� But, we continue on.� I try to be excited for the other kids even though there is a part of my heart that will always be yearning for Ollie to be here as well.�One other difficult thing I see a lot on facebook, mainly at this time of year is the comment, "I wish they'd stop growing up!"� I always have to fight back the urge to say, "At least they get to grow up!"� I know that they don't mean anything by it because they haven't lived this reality that their child will never grow up.� They won't get to go to prom, graduate from high school, or move to the dorms in college.� They won't get to serve a mission, get married or have kids.� They won't be able to do all those things that come with growing up.� I do understand how they feel, as I realize that I only have 4 more years with Eden in the house and the boys will be following shortly thereafter.� It is sad to think about them all leaving the house because that part of my life will be over.� I just hate that phrase people use.� It just gets under my skin.
We didn't do our annual Ice Cream for Breakfast this year, it was Ice Cream for an After School Snack.� Since Eden left so early in the morning, we decided to wait until we could eat all together.� We still had to do it in some form to honor and remember Ollie.� Eden is a freshman in high school and the boys are in 2nd and 4th grade this year.� I got a photo of them in the morning and there was a huge dragonfly behind them in the ivy that flew away as they got closer.� It flew right past my face and next to my ear and then flew into the front yard.� I thought he was gone, but then flew right back to the same spot.� I'm sure it was a sign from Oliver that he was there with them, wishing for them to have a good year at school.� A reminder that he is always with them.� I also saw an Ollie heart in a spider web after the boys got home from school.� He is everywhere.
