Therapy was awesome!

I had great conversation with my therapist today, (through tears), about how I was struggling and she told me basically to stop trying to be a superhero.

I usually try to be, she’s right, but I can’t be right now because my body won’t let me.

I can’t do the things I think I need to do because I’m sick.

My mom really wanted me to make homemade macaroni and cheese last week and I had to tell her I couldn’t and it almost broke me. I mean, I went out and got her Panera instead and she was happy, but I felt so bad about not being able to do what she wanted. I would walk through fire for her.

I had such a bad weekend because i thought i needed to be cleaning. I was so sick though. I couldn’t.

I still can’t.

It’s so frustrating.

I see my doctor tomorrow and hopefully she has something useful for me. Probably not because usually she doesn’t, but maybe.

I called my psych and left a message with the nurses letting them know that my depression was kind of overboard and asking if my psych could do anything about it before my appointment in April, (I checked and she doesn’t have any openings before then).

So yeah.

I’m trying to accept where I am.

Maybe by mid week I’ll feel a little better and be able to get at least a path dug out in this room.

That would be nice. Maybe just two areas picked up.

Small steps.

Sigh.

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