One of the largest barriers to my success has been my memory, or more lack there of it. I am often at loss for words. I forget names and sometimes even faces. I repeat myself often because I always...
One of the largest barriers to my success has been my memory, or more lack there of it. I am often at loss for words. I forget names and sometimes even faces. I repeat myself often because I always forget what I've said and to whom. I lose things, because, of course, I forgot where I put them. I forget to show up for appointments (although rarely because I take extreme measures not to do that). These things are problems! I believe my memory issues are a combination of the bipolar; damage to my brain from years of being misdiagnosed and mistreated; a history of self medicating myself through drinking; and the Lamictal I'm now taking to manage my bipolarThat said, I have a pretty good life and I still manage to be rather successful. I'm a computer programmer and make a pretty good living at that. How is this possible when I forget everything?
I think the most important thing I have going for me is muscle memory. Muscle memory is memory that involves storing a specific motor task into memory through repetition. It is as if the muscles remember even when you don't. I have no problems mopping my floors. Muscle memory. I used to easily remember phone numbers back in the day because I had to punch them into an old fashion phone. Muscle Memory. I can type quickly because my fingers still instinctively know which keys to press.
I also use a combination of tools to help me remember things. I keep a small notebook by my desk where I record important information such as passwords, phone numbers, website addresses, and other information that most people easily remember. Of course I keep a calendar with dates and times of appointments. I ask my poor husband to remind me of everything. Any time I have an important thought, I grab an index card and write it down. I have stacks of these cards on my desk with random thoughts and information. I am constantly digging through the cards to get information and ideas.
As for loosing things and getting lost- I always put my keys in the EXACT SAME SPOT. I park my car in the middle right side of the parking lot every time. When in a parking garage, I take a photo of the row/floor. I use a GPS so I don't get lost. I don't travel alone out of my local town. I take picture of everything I like with my phone so that I can remember to someday make or buy it. Yeah, these things are imperative to my survival.
I am able to learn new skills, but keep reference materials nearby. I am often referring back to websites and books. I somehow know if the information I am reading is incorrect, but have trouble recalling.
In my current job, I have to write and remember computer code. Somehow I am able to do that most days. I know what needs to be done but often have to refer back to previous code I've written as a reminder of the correct code block sequence. I can usually remember how to do things, or where to go to look up the steps. That said, some days my mind is too glitchy to do anything but the most routine and basic tasks.
It took me 20 years to realize that conventional 9-5 jobs were not ideal for me. Things got easier for me when I started my own business. My mind doesn't work perfectly every single day and employers do not like or tolerate this very well. I was so good at my jobs though (on good days), that although my bosses yelled at me, I didn't get fired. I got more chances than anyone else I know. These days, when my mind gets glitchy, I take the down time that I unfortunately require.
I find people to be rather unforgiving regarding glitches in memory. People often get annoyed when I repeat myself or if I forget their name. I understand this. They see me as a successful, well put together person and assume that I didn't even bother to listen to their name the first, second, or even 3rd time they told it to me. They wonder why I keep telling them the same story. It's a problem.
I hope I've helped you with some ideas on how to cope with memory loss, as I believe that memory problems are very common for people with any mental health problems. I'd love to hear from those of you with bipolar as to how your memory has been affected. Have you found anything that helps improve your memory? I'd love to be fixed!
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| The rest of my house is very clean, but my desk looks something like this (Einstein's desk) |
