It has been well over year since I last wrote anything. I have procrastinated enough. The reason I haven’t written is due to my state simply not being what it normally is. In the last twelve months there has...
It has been well over year since I last wrote anything.
I have procrastinated enough. The reason I haven’t written is due to my state simply not being what it normally is.
In the last twelve months there has been a huge and dramatic change in my circumstances. After a long time Sarah and I have separated after being together for the best part of two decades. The reasons for the break up of our marriage of over 15 years is long, complicated and painful.
My mental health issues, our financial situation and our eldest sons autism along with his mental health issues eroded away at mine and Sarah’s marriage. The split was mutual, we did so before things became truly toxic and really poisonous.
There is nobody to blame in this parting of ways. We are trying to remain on good terms especially for the sake of our two sons Kieran and Brendan. Of which the separation has had, and will have, the biggest impact.
Kieran, our eldest son has been struggling with his autism, with his mental health issues, with his gender identity and with his sexuality. Something in which a lot of teenagers seem to struggle with in this day and age even those who don’t have additional needs are struggling. These issues have placed strain on my connection to Kieran. He believes I don’t accept him for being who Kieran is. Which could not be further from the truth. He is my son flaws and all, I will love him no matter how he resolves his identity issues.
Brendan, our youngest son, I’d say has been even more difficult to deal with than Kieran. He is growing up, out and away from me and his mum, even though he is closer to Sarah. The contrast between the two brothers could not be more pronounced. Brendan is sociable when he wants to be. Brendan is independent and can go places with out myself or his mum. Then again he is at an age when hanging out with mum and dad is NOT cool.
Brendan has friends in which he hangs around with before, during, after and away from school. However to say mine and Brendan relationship as father and son is strained is not an understatement. When I visit Brendan and Kieran at their house, I find that Brendan has locked himself away in his room. When I go upstairs to talk to him I hardly get a few words out of him. He flatly refuses to spend time with me one to one citing that I am “too strict and no fun” Now this could be Brendan being surly teen or he sees me as the person to blame for the break up of his world.
As for my living circumstances I had to move in with my step-mum, Ruth and my dad, Steve for a while. I will always be eternally grateful for the kindness, support and compassion shown by them in them letting me stay and putting a roof over my head for a few months until I could find somewhere else to stay.
At the moment I’m living in a hostel run by the Hull Veterans Support Centre [HVSC]. It’s not home but it’s supported and it’s a step in right direction. At this moment I am on the Hull City Councils housing list to hopefully move into either a flat or a house I can call home. I’m looking for somewhere I can at least have the boys stay with me and to give Sarah a break. It’s easier said than done though. I could get accommodation next week or I could be waiting months or even longer for a place of my own.
Every week I bid on properties in the hope that I will be in the running for a flat at least. Especially one that is close to my sons. Finding a property close to the city centre or in west Hull is like rocking horse manure.
On the last bid cycle there were about 20 council properties of which maybe three were suitable. The rest were too big, too far away or I simply did not meet the criteria. There are ample flats in the north or east of the city.
As it stands I am Band “C” which means I fall in the middle of the housing list as far as urgency goes and means I can place up to 2 bids on properties. I have 185 points or 175 points if I go for a council property away from my sons and family. Which bumps me up on the scale when looking at housing. Well that’s how I understand it anyway. If anyone else has a better understanding please explain it to me.
All this stress has had an impact on my mental health and physical well being. In the last year I have lost a heck of a lot of weight. However I try to remain positive in adversity, sometimes though I find that I’m awake up until the wee small hours staring into the darkness. Which is not healthy for anyone. Due to this I am slowly and steadily building a small social circle of friends I can call upon for something as simple and straightforward as a chat over a coffee.
Well I’ve droned on enough. I hope you, the reader, found it helpful reading this as I did in writing this. Thank you.
Martin
