When anger and other strong emotions arise, use these five approaches to skilfully overcome your suffering.You don't have to be a Buddhist to use these techniques to overcome your anger and move forward gracefully, skilfully, and peacefully.??In this short...
You don't have to be a Buddhist to use these techniques to overcome your anger and move forward gracefully, skilfully, and peacefully.
??In this short "dharma bite," I provide five concise techniques that come from Buddhism that anyone (Buddhist or not) can use in-the-moment or after-the-fact to help reduce the heat of discontentment and cool the flames of anger. This article includes a short guided meditation.
?Anger is an emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. However, when it becomes uncontrollable, it can cause damage to relationships, work performance, and personal well-being. Buddhism offers many effective ways to reduce anger and improve overall emotional regulation.
?Here are five basic steps, from a Buddhist perspective, that anyone can take to get started, whether they are Buddhists or not:
?1 — Practice Mindfulness
?Mindfulness is a foundational practice in Buddhism, and it is a powerful tool for reducing anger. It involves paying attention to the present moment without judging it. By practicing mindfulness regularly, you will develop the powerful ability observe the situations and interactions that spark your anger without reacting to them. This will help you develop a more considered and even-keeled response, rather than simply reacting impulsively.
?One way that you can start to practice mindfulness right now is by paying attention to your breath. One of the most effective ways to cultivate that skill is through training in meditation. You can even try it right now: stop what you are doing.
?No, really. Let's do a quick meditation, right here, right now:
— Short Guided Meditation Instructions — ?
(please take your time with these instructions, these aren't meant to be rushed through, but rather to be read and performed slowly and mindfully, from one instruction to the next)
(please take your time with these instructions, these aren't meant to be rushed through, but rather to be read and performed slowly and mindfully, from one instruction to the next)
Assume a comfortable seated position, back straight, chin slightly tucked in, soften your gaze, and let's begin.
Take a a few slow, deep breaths.
Begin to feel the slow, quiet, and calming physical sensation of your breath.
Can you feel your body breathing?
Pay attention to how it feels to breathe.
How does it feel? Stay with this for a moment.
Let's use our connection to this feeling to arrive in this present moment. To really arrive and to really be present with this physical feeling.
Take another slow and deep breath.
Feel how it feels to slowly and deeply breathe in...
...and to slowly and deeply breathe out.
Now, observe your thoughts and emotions as you read this while you continue to feel your body breathing.
Observe them just as they arise without reacting to them, without judgement and without pushing them away.
Just enjoy taking this moment to breathe; to really breathe.
Take another slow and deep breath.
Slowly and deeply breathe in...
...and slowly and deeply breathe out.
?Enjoy this moment. This moment to relax.
Don't try to force it, that will be unpleasant. Simply be with the physical sensations of your breath, and feel the calming sensations arise. Without effort. Just as you would as if you were watching a peaceful sunset.
?How do you feel?
?Please take a few moments to enjoy this temporary moment of connectivity with your body before moving on...
Take a a few slow, deep breaths.
Begin to feel the slow, quiet, and calming physical sensation of your breath.
Can you feel your body breathing?
Pay attention to how it feels to breathe.
How does it feel? Stay with this for a moment.
Let's use our connection to this feeling to arrive in this present moment. To really arrive and to really be present with this physical feeling.
Take another slow and deep breath.
Feel how it feels to slowly and deeply breathe in...
...and to slowly and deeply breathe out.
Now, observe your thoughts and emotions as you read this while you continue to feel your body breathing.
Observe them just as they arise without reacting to them, without judgement and without pushing them away.
Just enjoy taking this moment to breathe; to really breathe.
Take another slow and deep breath.
Slowly and deeply breathe in...
...and slowly and deeply breathe out.
?Enjoy this moment. This moment to relax.
Don't try to force it, that will be unpleasant. Simply be with the physical sensations of your breath, and feel the calming sensations arise. Without effort. Just as you would as if you were watching a peaceful sunset.
?How do you feel?
?Please take a few moments to enjoy this temporary moment of connectivity with your body before moving on...
Wasn't that nice? OK, now back to our post.
Another way to practice mindfulness is by paying attention to how we communicate with others. A guide to doing that more skilfully can be found in this article on using Right Speech so your words aren't rejected or received poorly by the people you are talking to.
Another way to practice mindfulness is by paying attention to how we communicate with others. A guide to doing that more skilfully can be found in this article on using Right Speech so your words aren't rejected or received poorly by the people you are talking to.
2 — Cultivate Compassion
?Compassion is another important aspect of Buddhism, and it can help to reduce anger, or even eliminate it altogether.
?Genuine compassion involves recognising the suffering of others and offering kindness and support. We can start to do this by understanding that deep down inside everyone, including you, wants only two things:
?to be happy, and,to be free of unhappiness.
These drive everything. By understanding this, you can start cultivating compassion toward others as you develop a greater sense of empathy, thereby reducing your feelings of anger toward them. Additionally, by extending compassion toward yourself, you can reduce the strength of your negative inner-narratives and self-criticism, improving your overall well-being.
Learn more about compassion with this article on the difference between Compassion and Pity.
You can also develop and cultivate compassion by learning to practice mett? meditation, the meditation on loving-kindness and compassion. You can learn more about how to do that with this article on how to do loving-kindness meditation correctly and with this audio supplement to that article.
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3 — Practice Forgiveness
?Forgiveness is a key component of Buddhist teachings, and it can be a powerful tool for reducing anger. Forgiveness involves letting go of negative feelings towards others and yourself, and offering understanding and compassion instead.
?Forgiveness is not about someone else’s harmful behaviour; it’s about your relationship with your own past. When we begin to work on forgiveness, it begins firstly as a self-care practice for ourselves. Forgiveness and patience are critical to being able to cultivate your ability to develop inner peace-of-mind and happiness. You can learn more about how to do that with this article on how to cultivate the innate seeds of your happiness.
By practicing forgiveness, you can release anger and resentment and create space for more positive emotions. So forgive others, not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace.
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4 — Let Go of Attachment
?Attachment is a common cause of anger and frustration in Buddhist teachings. When we become attached to specific outcomes, expectations — or even to material objects such as our possessions — we can become angry or upset when things don't go our way. By practicing non-attachment, we can reduce our emotional attachment to outcomes and focus on the present moment instead. This can help to reduce feelings of anger and frustration, because the amount of suffering that we experience when we don't get what we want is a direct function of how attached we are to an expected outcome.
It's so important to get a clear understanding of what motivates us to behave in the ways that we do if we are ever to experience sustainable resilience and lasting peace of mind; you can learn more about the motivations that drive everything we do that causes us to experience pain, loss, shame, and sadness; understanding and observing these motivations within us is a critical key to cultivating unshakeable happiness.
When we understand how our attachment drives our desires, we can start the process of letting go. But that doesn't mean you have to let go of having good things. Learn more about how you can still have good things without the pain that comes from not getting them, or conversely, from losing them in this article about letting go of your attachments.
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5 — Seek Skilful Support
Finally, in Buddhism our friends are considered an important pillar of skilful practice. Good friends provide support, guidance, and inspiration during difficult times for spiritual growth and development, helping us cultivate our positive qualities and overcome obstacles on the path towards liberation and enlightenment.
?Seeking support from kind and wise people can be an effective way to reduce anger. This can involve talking to a trusted and emotionally mature friend or family member, joining a compassionate Buddhist community, or establishing a proper student-teacher relationship with an awakened teacher. Talking to someone who understands what you're going through can help you feel less alone and more empowered to make positive changes in your life.?
And there you have it. While this is far from an exhaustive list of techniques that you can engage in to uproot your anger, it's a good start. Buddhism is all about cultivating inner-strength, happiness, and resilience, and reducing anger. By practicing mindfulness, cultivating compassion, practicing forgiveness, letting go of attachment, and seeking skilled support, you can develop effective strategies to manage anger and improve your quality of life.
?Remember that genuine change takes time and effort, so be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way.
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If you're interested in learning more about Buddhist teachings or happiness practices and how they can help you reduce anger and improve your well-being, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. As a Buddhist practitioner, teacher, and personal coach, I can help you explore these practices in more depth and develop a personalised plan to help you achieve your goals.
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Whether you're seeking to overcome a specific challenge or simply enhance your personal growth to genuine happiness and success, I'm here to support you every step of the way. Let's work together to unlock your full potential and discover the authentic joy and deeply rewarding fulfillment that life really has to offer.