Twitter threads allow content creators to share more than 280 characters on a specific topic. One of the more interesting thread types is the derivation of something (an invention, a movie, a fad, a rise to fame, etc.). I thought it would be fun to create my own type of Twitter derivation post called a... Continue Reading → The post The Birth of Coffee Pods appeared first on BlogGaud.

Twitter threads allow content creators to share more than 280 characters on a specific topic. One of the more interesting thread types is the derivation of something (an invention, a movie, a fad, a rise to fame, etc.). I thought it would be fun to create my own type of Twitter derivation post called a “yarn.” It’s the exact same concept as a thread, except it’s 100% fabricated. I figured I’d post it on the blog and Twitter.

1. In the 1970s there was a decline in the consumption of coffee due to the fear of a Soviet invasion. Americans felt that if they were too jittery, they wouldn’t be able to fend off the Red Army from breaking down their backdoors.
2. There was still a desire to drink coffee, because of the recent discovery in rats that caffeine increases the ability to grow facial hair, specifically the chevron mustache.
3. With these two facts in mind, Cynthia Shelby began experimenting with making single batch coffee.
4. Her first failed attempt saw her following the exact same process for making a pot of coffee, only turning off the circuit breakers to the kitchen when the pot was roughly one coffee mug full. This proved to be too much of a hassle and messed up the ice cube maker every time the power went out.
5. Next, she tried adopting five teenagers (adding to her two teenage children), giving her a total of seven teenagers and one husband (eight total), which is how many cups of coffee one pot would fill (she didn’t drink coffee herself). With this perfect ratio, all eight would have exactly one cup of coffee. The trouble was that four of the five teenagers she adopted did not enjoy coffee and she skipped several steps of the adoption process with the state of Illinois.
6. After serving six months of probation, Cynthia had one final idea. She constructed a return flow system that connected her coffee pot to her coffee reservoir. Through her strong engineering skills, she was able to get the coffee pot to fill up to the one cup mark, while the remaining seven cups were stored back in the reservoir. Thus, Cynthia would only need to add coffee grounds one time out of every eight single serve coffees that she made. This system worked great for the first two cups of coffee, but towards the end of the eight cup cycle, the coffee had been stored for several days, rendering the remaining cups utterly disgusting.
7. Knowing that she was onto something, but unable to execute, Cynthia documented her concept and failed attempts on a Denny’s napkin that she buried in her front yard.
8. Thirty years later, Tonya Remmerson’s ten-pound yorkie, Figaro, was digging in her front yard, when she pulled up an IHOP napkin, which she quickly ate. Getting ready to devour a second napkin, Tonya stepped in, pulling the Denny’s napkin from the jaws of Figaro.
9. Tonya reviewed Cynthia’s work and felt somehow connected to the home’s former owner. Connection or not, Tonya was between jobs and needed to make money quickly, and thought a single serving coffee machine was a lucrative enough idea to put time into.
10. While walking to her coffee pot to inspect the appliance, Tonya tripped over her Gettysburg Address diorama, knocking Abraham Lincoln clear across the kitchen. Because she had not used the hot glue gun to secure Abe’s stovepipe hat to his head (despite the repeated warnings from her diorama club instructor), it went flying in a different direction.
11. After retrieving Lincoln, Tonya shimmied across the room to grab the iconic hat. While bending over, she banged her head against the kitchen counter which knocked her egg sand timer off the sugar canister, causing it to bounce once on the counter, break open, and spill its sand contents on to the floor.
12. Luckily, the stovepipe hat was bottom side up on the floor, and all the contents of the sand fell directly into the hat.
13. When Tonya brought the doll hat up for inspection, noticing the sand filling it to the brim, the idea hit her, a more basic egg timer would make more sense than the fancier sand variety. A second idea hit her less hard, maybe she could create a stovepipe hat container that would hold just the right amount of coffee grounds to produce a single cup of Joe.
14. Unfortunately, Tonya’s nosy neighbor, Trevor, watched the whole episode playout and obviously deduced that the tiny upside Abraham Lincoln stovepipe hat holding sand was a perfect facsimile for what could be a pod that contained enough coffee to make one perfect cup.
15. Trevor literally ran to the patent office, which as luck would have it, was right across the street (it was a mixed use development). Within thirty minutes, Trevor had the first patent for the coffee pod.
16. Trevor wanted to name his coffee pod after his last name, Jones, but was told by investors that it was too hard to pronounce. So, he went with the far easier Keurig.
17. The rest is history.

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