Does anyone know any current employees works at Squishmallows Inc. that I could list as a reference for an open position there? The post Squishmallows Namer Interest Letter appeared first on BlogGaud.
Dear Mr./Mrs. Squishmallows,
I am writing to express my interest in the Squishmallows naming position at Squishmallows Incorporated. I do not recall if this position was posted or if I dreamt it, but my roommate (let’s call her mom) has reminded me that I must take deliberate action if I want to achieve my goals.
I have 2,138 stuffed animals. I am sorry to say that not all of them are Squishmallows (I hope that doesn’t eliminate me as a candidate for this position). All of my stuffies have names, personalities, and backstories. A lot of the names, personalities, and backstories are taken directly from straight to VHS Disney movies. Still, I had to spend hours watching, and rewatching, those movies to match my stuffies’ personalities to the appropriate characters.
Although I haven’t earned any college credit yet, during a sight-seeing trip to Pittsburgh to visit the childhood home of Mr. Rogers, I did see a sign for Carnegie Mellon University. Seeing Carnegie Mellon really made me think of Sa’luk (Aladdin and the King of Thieves), my watermelon stuffy.
Beyond my stuffies, I have a menagerie of animals including: 2 flying squirrels, 1 betta fish, 5 neon tetras, 4 cats, 1 ball python, 1 guinea pig (used to be 2, but remember I have a ball python), and a corgi. Unlike the stuffies, each one of my pets names came straight from my brain.
For my pets, I use a naming ritual that I created. In my room (let’s call it the basement), I turn off all the lights except for a headlamp I got at a spelunking birthday party. I play Misty Mountains (The Hobbit soundtrack) and turn the stereo all the way up. Finally, I grab the pet (if they are grabbable) and stare deeply into their eyes. The length of the stare is determined by how long it takes for a name to pop into my head. Most of the time, the names come to me quickly. But with Vesta (the corgi), I was holding her for almost an hour! Misty Mountains must have looped a dozen times…and Vesta no longer comes down to the basement.
I am excited about the possibility of bringing my neuroticism, clinginess, obsession, and bedazzler to Squishmallows Inc. I would love to hear you tell me how my amazingness would benefit your company. Please find a scanned Denny’s napkin attached (grease stains have formed an uncanny image of a panda). I am available by CB radio (channel 3) or dixie cup with string attached dangling out the top of my basement window from 8:47am-8:46am (the next day), except Tuesdays (no particular reason).
Stuffie squeeze,
Benjamin
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