We had our first frost last night, and I caught a glimpse of my poor, frigid marigolds as I came home from an errand. I had grown them in my new garden beds that my husband built for me during quarantine, and they flourished in the sun and good soil of the backyard. I've never been able to grow such dense, full, healthy flowers before, and when my peonies were spent in the front porch garden, I carefully transplanted two of the largest marigold plants into pots and set them out on my porch to keep some of that summery beauty. Well, it has been pretty cold the last couple of weeks, and my glorious marigolds were beginning to look a bit sad. I realized that even these cheerful plants that lasted far longer than I'd expected have probably come to the end of their season. But I noticed something else, too. They still have new, unopened flower buds all over, as if they were not expecting their end, and were intent on producing new beauty right up until the last moment.
I am an elementary school teacher. Just as for most professions, this has been an incredibly tough season, so tough that I didn't even want to write about it. It just hurts to continually bump into the limitations and restrictions Covid has placed on what I hoped to offer my students and their families, on what I have come to expect of myself, and what I wanted to accomplish. I am weary. I am sad. Do you feel this way, too? Are you hurt, disappointed, exhausted by what each day demands and sad about what you cannot give someone you love?
As in every difficult season of my life, I have wallpapered my bathroom mirror with verses, and here is one I have clung to especially tightly through this season of Covid, quarantine, and trying to still do my job: "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -Galatians 6:9. I pray this verse daily over my work, over my mothering, over my marriage. "Dear Lord, I don't want to give my loved ones the crumbs. I want to offer them the best of me, but I can't seem to get a grip on that right now. Help me to give what I have, and You will make it enough, Lord. Let me just do the next thing with love and faithfulness. I know there will be a harvest for what you are planting through me, even if the seeds I can plant seem so few and insufficient. You are never insufficient, God, and you are making something beautiful out of this time. Keep me from giving up. Amen."
You may be weary, hurting, fed up with all of this. But cling to Jesus. Keep on reading His Word and looking for verses to write down and tape to your mirror. Lean on Him with all that you have left, and don't give up. You will reap a harvest, it will be beautiful, and you will know you never walked alone. Keep on persistently, hopefully, faithfully putting out new buds, intent on producing new beauty.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3
