It’s 6.30am. Lunch boxes are being prepared and you have 100 tabs open in your head about how the day needs to play out. Football training after school, meetings, don’t forget school fees are due today, call the plumber, remind your eldest that the tutor is coming tonight and requires this week’s class plan…..
6.33am. Another 25 tabs open with a flow of emails pinging in the background on the laptop and WhatsApp messages on the phone – likely to be the football chat. Mental note to self to remember the camp information night at school tomorrow at 5pm.
7.45am. Chaos errupts from the bedrooms, tears follow and you reach for your patience hat before coaching the kids back to calm before shuffling them into the car. Did you both remember your sports uniforms? Reverse car.
By the time 9am rolls around, working parents have expelled the equivalent of a full day’s workload, mentally. The ongoing ‘invisible’ workload management of household and family needs is exhausting. It’s often enough to stall careers for women, or worse still, result in burnout.
So how can working parents create a more balanced, or integrated, approach to managing the mental load? As a group of working parents ourselves, we’ve compiled the following suggestions we’ve found useful.
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Strategies for Managing the Mental Load
1. Make the Invisible Visible
To-do lists are great but often focus on activity, not accounting for the 95 other tabs – thoughts, reminders, and household admin. Instead, take a birds eye view or your week or month, and write down all the tasks that go into running the household and parenting for a week, from upcoming birthdays to playdates, extra curricular activies and appointments. Seeing everything in black and white can help create awareness and spark a conversation with partners, family or friend to help with.
2. Shift from ‘Helping’ to ‘Owning’ Tasks
A common frustration is when one parent feels like they have to delegate or remind their partner to take action. So instead of one person managing everything and the other simply assisting, create a system where each partner fully owns certain responsibilities. For example, one parent might take complete responsibility for school-related tasks while the other manages household finances and meal planning. Single-parent families might call on the help of grandparents. Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play cards are a fun way to divvy up household responsibilities.
3. Use Technology to Your Advantage
Shared calendars, to-do list apps, and meal-planning tools can also help mange the mental load with automatic reminders. Get started with apps like Google Calendar, Todoist, or Trello.
4. Establish Check-Ins
A short check-in at the dinner table on a Sunday night can help divide responsibilities, plan for upcoming events, and adjust based on each person’s workload. Treat it like a business meeting—concise, action-oriented, and a space to address any imbalances.
5. Involve Children When Possible
As children grow, they can take on age-appropriate responsibilities, reducing the burden on parents. Teaching kids to pack their school bags, prepare simple meals, or manage their own schedules can help instill independence while lightening the load. Even simple contributions like emptying the dishwasher can make all the difference.
Managing the mental load is an ongoing process that requires effort from the whole family. The key is to regularly reassess what’s working and adjust as needed. By openly discussing responsibilities, using tools to streamline planning, and encouraging a sense of shared ownership, working parents can reduce stress, prevent burnout, and create a healthier balance at home and at work.
What do you find works for managing the mental load?
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