I ask you "How was my presentation?"
You reply "It was good" whilst looking at your phone.
What is the relationship between your actions and my feelings?
⌠It is not random (of course your actions can have an impact on me)
I wouldn't feel upset just like that.
⌠It is not cause and effect (but just because you impact me doesn't mean you are responsible for my feelings)
I feel upset but not just because you said "It was good" whilst looking at your phone.
✅ Meaning making/interpretation (I assign meaning to your actions and as a result I feel the way I do)
I feel upset when you said "It was good" whilst looking at your phone because I see it as a lack of care towards me- you didn't even make eye contact and didn't tell me clearly what you liked.
Understanding myself means understanding the meaning making/interpreting I do. I interpret your lack of eye contact and vague words as a lack of care.
Understanding you means understanding the meaning making/interpreting you do. You interpret me asking about the presentation as small talk.
When we connect at this level, we 'share impact' we have on each other. We take responsibility for our actions and meaning making. This gives us a better chance at preventing and resolving conflicts instead of fault-finding in one another.
